I am so pretty
I am really pretty.
WOAH. That’s pretty conceited!! Perhaps you think I’m arrogant, perhaps you agree but don’t think I should say it out loud let alone put it in writing. However you feel, it is undeniable that for most woman, acknowledging their own attractiveness is akin to uttering a slur. Uncomfortable, unthinkable, because for an attractive woman to have an attractive personality she should be unaware of her attractiveness. Or at least, that’s what I have noticed. My own personal disconcertion when I see a confident woman. My instinct to judge, criticise, and then the disappointment once I notice my response and that my first instinct isn’t ‘good for her!’. But at least I am noticing. It’s the same relationship I have with myself: my default is to criticise and judge.
Whilst I am sure this is not a problem exclusive to women, I do think women are conditioned within our society to take up less space, minimise their discomfort, and suffer in silence. Just one example of this is the millions of girls who go to work and school with debilitating period pain.
Growing up, I never knew a relaxed woman. Successful women? Yes. Productive women? Plenty. Anxious and afraid and apologetic women? Heaps of them. But relaxed women? At ease women? Women who aren’t afraid to take up space in the world? Women who prioritise rest and pleasure and play? Women who give themselves unconditional permission to relax – without guilt, without apology, without feeling like they need to earn it? I’m not sure I’ve ever met a woman like that. But I would like to become one. I would like us all to become one.
— Nicola Jane Hobbs
As someone in constant pain who is constantly told how ‘well’ I look, I have grown up fairly detached from my physical appearance. I know how lucky I am to have avoided the crippling body image issues that most women I know have to contend with daily.
I want girls to grow up knowing that their value has nothing to do with their looks. I don’t want anyone to be ashamed of their body for any reason. I want everyone to feel comfortable and confident to say how they feel, to be able to ask for what they want and need without fear. But this is not the world we live in… yet. I notice how often I minimise my discomfort, how frequently I am afraid to take up space, or how I find it impossible to rest without apology or guilt.
Noticing is the first step, and I invite you to notice too, in the hopes that eventually, the example we set changes the society we inhabit, so that when a girl calls herself pretty, it isn’t so controversial.
