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How to Date a Disabled Person

‘Don’t Miss Out!’


This is a guest post from my partner, sharing his top 5 pieces of advice after dating me (a disabled person) for 3 years. Obviously this is based on our relationship, and therefore is not about casually dating, though some of these tips might be helpful for both! – Blossom


It’s the most important thing in any relationship, but it’s particularly important when someone is disabled. This is because you have to learn each other’s limitations. Make sure you are both comfortable enough to ask questions to quicken the learning process.


Make them as comfortable as possible by planning everything before hand. This will mean they aren’t as stressed about going out because they can prepare beforehand and also adapt the plan if they feel like it’s too much. Examples of planning a trip with a disabled person can be found here!

Nobody is a Burden

Make sure your partner does not feel like a burden. Just because they don’t have the same abilities as you doesn’t mean they can’t be fun or do fun things, it just means you might have to get a bit creative with activities. So don’t pressure anyone into doing things or assume what they can/can’t do. This could be anything from going on a walk to intimacy.


A Relationship with a disabled person might get serious more quickly than others- this isn’t something to be frightened by. The reason this happens is because they often have to think a lot more about the future than other people. Don’t be scared by this, just take it as a compliment and move on. It doesn’t mean they want to get married this second, it only means they have to think about things in more depth sometimes.


Everyday is different- Chronically Ill people can have very fluctuating energy levels and this means that one day they could be feeling ok and they next they are in more pain or too tired to do anything. Just remain flexible and make sure you are ready to help on the bad days. You can do this by asking questions like ‘what do you need right now’, ‘Can I do anything for you?’, ‘Do you need *insert medication, hot water bottle, drink, etcetera!*’ Once you know the person better you will be able to anticipate their needs more, like turning on their comfort show during a flare up or having their favourite drink prepared before they ask!

Some of the most funny and interesting people are disabled! Don’t miss out on great people just because of presumptions you’ve made about them.

How to Date a Disabled Person

Written by Andrew

Every relationship has difficulties, and every relationship will probably be impacted by illness at some point, so don’t be afraid of the unknown! Disabled people are just people, we all have different needs and likes and dislikes, complexities and flaws. If you both want to be with each other, there’s nothing you can’t work through together. Thanks for reading!

HB x

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If you’re not Disabled…

Enabled people are actively enabled by a society that is designed for them. 

Disabled people are actively disabled by a society that is designed to exclude them. 

Disabled is a neutral term, because disability is a natural variant within humanity. And yet, becoming disabled is often treated as the worst-case scenario… So, where does disability get its bad reputation from? I think the answer can be found in the attitudes surrounding disabled people, attitudes that are upheld by the language we use. 

The language we use holds power. It changes how we are treated- and how we treat others. Nicknames imply friendliness, Surnames imply formality. Depending on the context of the situation, words are used to patronise, objectify, or insult one another. But they also allow us to compliment, respect, and encourage each other! This is the power of language.

We need a better term to describe people who aren’t disabled because the words we currently use aren’t accurate. ‘able-bodied,’ ‘normal,’ ‘abled,’ and ‘non-disabled’ are out of date terms because they don’t adequately explain the experience of living without a disability.

One problem with using a term like ‘able-bodied’ as the opposite of disabled is that it implies that disabled people do not have able bodies, which is not true for a variety of reasons. Disability is not always physical and those 

 physical disabilities still have able bodies because ‘able’ is a subjective and multi-faceted term! 

Using the term non-disabled to describe people who are not disabled seems to make more sense. The double negative subverts our expectations by implying disabled is the norm which is thought provoking. However, I still prefer not to use this term. For one thing, the opposite of disabled is not non-disabled. It’s not a black and white thing that you are or are not, there is nuance in being disabled, because there is nuance in being human. You can be temporarily disabled, or be impacted by disability if you are a carer, parent, or partner of a disabled person, which deeply impacts how you interact with the world. Therefore, your experience as someone without a disability is not always ‘non-disabled’.

Disabled isn’t something we inherently are. Yet disabled is used as a descriptor, an adjective, when actually ‘disable’ is not an adjective or a descriptor, it is a verb. The experience of being disabled is just that, an experience shaped by the external forces of our current society. In a different society with more acceptance, more accessibility, more funding for healthcare and mobility aids and medications, many of us would not be DISabled. And similarly, if you are not disabled, that does not mean you are able. ??? We are ALL able, you cannot be more or less able, because we all have different abilities. Some people have incredible ability to write, draw, cook, calculate, others don’t. Disabled people are ABLE but they are very much disabled FROM doing certain things, which is why I believe the term we need to use for people who are not disabled is not ‘non-disabled’ or ‘able-bodied’ or ‘normal’… the term should be ‘enabled’. A verb. To enable someone to do something. 

Enabled people are actively enabled by a society that is designed for them. 

Disabled people are actively disabled by a society that is designed to exclude them. 

So let’s change the language we use! Enabled also allows room for the people within the disability community who are enabled to see the world through our eyes, because they love, care for, and know someone who is disabled. Enabled is inclusive language for the parents, friends, partners, and workers who know some of the intricacies of disabled life. 

Enabled also encapsulates the experience of people who are enabled by society to avoid the issues disabled people are forced to struggle with every day. You are not able just because you can climb stairs, or don’t notice the uneven surfaces or the overwhelming bright lights and intense noise. You are enabled to ignore these things that are obstacles for other people because of the way our society is structured. Stairs are the norm, not ramps or lifts, cobblestones and wonky paving are the norm, not smooth surfaces. Shops install bright lighting to make their products look good without a second thought for the seizure, migraine or sensory overload it might trigger. 

The reason I use the term ‘Enabled people’ instead of any other term, is because it includes the experience of people who may not be disabled themselves but whose lives are still impacted by disability. In this sense, there are two categories of enabled people: those who are enabled to empathise and understand the disabled experience and those who are enabled to ignore disabled people and their experiences.

Disabled people are not less able, and we don’t have different or special or extra needs because everybody has different needs! The difference is that enabled people’s needs are already met. Disability is not about the medical, or the personal; it’s about the structure of our society. A society that is designed to either DISable or ENable. 

So please, let’s not use terms like non-disabled, able-bodied, normal, abled… because they aren’t helpful, they are divisive. They contribute to the idea that disabled people are not able, they increase the stigma around disability as an identity, and they add to the stereotype that disabled people are worth less.

If you’re not disabled, you’re enabled.

So let’s use enabled instead! Because it’s the most inclusive and accurate description. 

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Freedom Day

Disability is the only minority group that anybody can join at any time, the only one YOU will definitely join at some point in your life. 

‘Society is defined by how it treats its most vulnerable’

I know many are excited about Freedom Day but… What is freedom if 30% of the population are left behind? Not just disabled people, but the people they come into contact with, their families, friends, and carers. We are all connected. Our actions affect each other. 

So, I am begging you. Disabled people have suffered enough. We have all suffered enough! So many have been restricted from visiting loved ones in hospital. Some haven’t been able to see family at all in years. There have been far worse tragedies during these months than having to keep a distance or wear a mask. These restrictions are not infringing on your freedom. Forcing vulnerable people to lockdown and live in fear is infringing on their freedom. So, Freedom day is not freedom for a third of the country. 

Scrap Freedom Day, and use your voice to ask for the access that has been provided to be made permanent for the disabled people who have been pleading for it for decades: Online learning, remote working, virtual entertainment. Scrap Freedom day and spare a thought for the people who have been trapped in the same four walls all this time, no garden. Scrap whatever imagery you have or ‘returning to normal’ being positive when the NHS is still overwhelmed, and many are still dying because of it. 1,2000 scientists have labelled this move by the government ‘an unethical experiment’ and have advised against it on the grounds that easing restrictions makes England a threat to the world.

Yes, everyone’s suffering, but is it right to let 30% of the UK continue in even more fear, danger and difficulty, to give ‘freedom’ to the rest? What kind of freedom is that? It looks like eugenics to me.

We can make real life impact, so please, speak up for the ones left behind, and ask that restrictions be kept in place. If you are not disabled, we need your voice. Disability intersects with every other community, (30% of the LGBTQ+ Community are disabled) and it is the only minority group that anybody can join at any time, the only one YOU will definitely join at some point in your life.