‘Don’t Miss Out!’Andrew
This is a guest post from my partner, sharing his top 5 pieces of advice after dating me (a disabled person) for 3 years. Obviously this is based on our relationship, and therefore is not about casually dating, though some of these tips might be helpful for both! – Blossom
It’s the most important thing in any relationship, but it’s particularly important when someone is disabled. This is because you have to learn each other’s limitations. Make sure you are both comfortable enough to ask questions to quicken the learning process.
Make them as comfortable as possible by planning everything before hand. This will mean they aren’t as stressed about going out because they can prepare beforehand and also adapt the plan if they feel like it’s too much. Examples of planning a trip with a disabled person can be found here!
Nobody is a Burden
Make sure your partner does not feel like a burden. Just because they don’t have the same abilities as you doesn’t mean they can’t be fun or do fun things, it just means you might have to get a bit creative with activities. So don’t pressure anyone into doing things or assume what they can/can’t do. This could be anything from going on a walk to intimacy.
A Relationship with a disabled person might get serious more quickly than others- this isn’t something to be frightened by. The reason this happens is because they often have to think a lot more about the future than other people. Don’t be scared by this, just take it as a compliment and move on. It doesn’t mean they want to get married this second, it only means they have to think about things in more depth sometimes.
Everyday is different- Chronically Ill people can have very fluctuating energy levels and this means that one day they could be feeling ok and they next they are in more pain or too tired to do anything. Just remain flexible and make sure you are ready to help on the bad days. You can do this by asking questions like ‘what do you need right now’, ‘Can I do anything for you?’, ‘Do you need *insert medication, hot water bottle, drink, etcetera!*’ Once you know the person better you will be able to anticipate their needs more, like turning on their comfort show during a flare up or having their favourite drink prepared before they ask!
Some of the most funny and interesting people are disabled! Don’t miss out on great people just because of presumptions you’ve made about them.
How to Date a Disabled PersonWritten by Andrew
Every relationship has difficulties, and every relationship will probably be impacted by illness at some point, so don’t be afraid of the unknown! Disabled people are just people, we all have different needs and likes and dislikes, complexities and flaws. If you both want to be with each other, there’s nothing you can’t work through together. Thanks for reading!