The NHS nearly killed me. The NHS saved my life.
I don’t know how to talk about this.
Unexplained period and bowel pain for my entire life. An 8 cm ovarian cyst. A test with a result. Relief spiralled into Gaslighting. A private blessing. A hidden complication. And me.
Waking up from a major complex surgery without painkillers, intolerant to every medication they tried, throwing up for hours with stitches, unable to move…
I can’t comprehend the glass window I look through. Memories shatter and visit me in fractured pieces puncturing my heart. How could I treat myself like that? How did I manage to cope, and not only cope but edit podcasts, live and love and function with this incredible pain?! I even became a freaking politician during all of this! (Hi, I am a town councillor now, vote for me when I apply to be an MP won’t you?)
A list of things that kept me sane: Lin Manuel Miranda, Taylor Swift, My mother, the person who taught me strength.
How could I be such a hypocrite and forgive myself for it… Will I ever forgive myself? Another diagnosis. How many does that make now? The doctor said I had been dealing with Endometriosis for years. The doctor said it was shocking my local hospital had tried to make me wait until the end of September for a consultation, not even the operation. The doctor said they should have operated when the first found it 6 weeks ago. What a wild thing, to be believed by a doctor.
And the heart breaking dichotomy that always strikes? The NHS nearly killed me. The NHS saved my life.